First thing first, I want to thank Jakey (Str Stdnt) for having me at Rowdy Fest 2023. I performed at Rowdy Fest in 2021, so I am honored to be back. James was the photographer who sent me these really cool pictures.
Let’s talk about Rowdy Fest. My friend Jake and I grew up in Metro Detroit together. He is from Garden City, I am from Dearborn. Rowdy Fest started in 2021, I believe, and has been hosted inside of Jake’s family house which is named after their dog, Rowdy. RIP to Rowdy <3. Rowdy Fest has hosted brilliant Michigan based musicians with a variety of genres ranging from punk and hardcore, to pop and rap.
There’s a couple of things I also wanted to touch on for this week. They are of the subject of strength, understanding, processing pain and anxiety… More specifically, bathroom anxiety.
Let’s do the fun one first: bathroom anxiety. I have crippling anxiety when it comes to public bathrooms. I am no germaphobe, I just strongly prefer to not pee in stalls next to strangers… especially when you can hear the other person peeing and vice versa. I think the first time I really noticed that this was an odd thing was after Covid at a Barnes and Noble. I was in the public bathroom and I put my mask on so no one would know what I looked like. I laughed when I started to think “all the ladies in the room can hear me pee”. It defiantly had been a while since I peed in a public bathroom with other people around me. I have no interest in finding out who is peeing next to me in the stall. I can see their shoes and that is enough. My mind will frantically try to piece together whose shoes were in the stall next to me, almost as a form of self-sabotage. I usually try to pee, wash my hands WITH SOAP, then quickly run out of the bathroom like a freak once I’m done with the soap still on my hands.
These are all out of order, there is no need for a thesis… just my thoughts. Strength, I feel, has been the theme of my life as of recent. I pray most nights for God to give me strength and understanding. I feel like as humans, we can crumble so easily and forget that others resonate with similar pain. I defiantly have my moments where I weep so hard, sometimes on purpose, so that people can see and feel my pain. This is not a strong thing to do. Sometimes I desperately want someone to empathize with me, but there are other ways to find that than letting myself breakdown… like talking to God or a therapist.
Understanding is one of the most powerful things I can think of… I think a lot of people do bad things out of pain. I know it hurts me to be surrounded by unfamiliar people and places that do not know me. Understanding is something I strive to get. I know as a human being; it is easy to hurt others without having a solid understanding of them. We’ve all struggled, so pain is plentiful. I know that when I weep, the world will laugh because we all feel that same pain.
Now to end the blog on a lighter note, I love you all and I will blog next week <3.