I have so much to say. I know I write about God a lot and that may turn my initial following away. I’ve come to accept this because I’d rather be myself than to omit truth from my life. It feels like a majority of my life I have gravitated towards the things that bring me pain. Perhaps it was a calling to overcome that pain and to recognize it, because I see that same pain manifest in people in different ways.
It makes it easier to understand why people do the things they do. How can we blame them if we ourselves are blind to our own misdirection. God game me my intellect, so I want to use it to tell you that it is ok to have faith. It is ok to be hesitant, and to ask questions. It is ok to be uncomfortable. I know what it is like on the other side, how you want to turn away from recognizing that there may be a creator of the universe. You give thanks to the universe because you are comfortable in saying that it is the universe rather than a living God. I have been there, I know the feeling.
It took me some time to embrace truth. Now that I have nothing to lose and everything to gain, I only want to gain God’s love. I want to stay on God’s path personally, because I have strayed from that path too far. I have seen what it is like to slowly die, and in my soul I have felt that death. I have felt that terrible pain of wanting more and more; the gluttony, the greed. I have been a victim of addiction, self destruction, I have seen my friends and family drink themselves to death. I have seen people that I love gravitate towards darkness to propel a certain image of themselves attributing to false confidence and insecurity.
I have also felt what it is to sit in the house of God and be completely surrounded by love with music and community. One of the first instances where I have felt his power was in the Detroit Symphony Orchestra Hall. Back in the day, we had the Detroit Children’s Choir which was hosted in the DSO. It connected different public schools around the Metro Detroit area. I sang with Vista Maria, an all girls Catholic School. I didn’t go there for school, but that’s where they put me. The choir was only about 5 terrified kids who were too shy to sing, including me. Slowly, the choir dropped of one by one until I was taking my own private voice lessons. I was too shy at the time to sing or do anything. No one was feeling it.
Although it was underfunded, it still united all these small groups between the public schools. When we all came together, we sang Revelations 19:1. I’ve found a video of it. I am not sure if I joined the choir before of after this year, but I remember this church downtown.
Looking at the kids in this choir, I recognize some. I really do hope that one day I can see them again.
This chapter is profound. Revelation 19 describes the days of the apocalypse, where the Earth is subjected to a series of judgements by God. In this chapter, John is taken into the throne room of God. He observes a multitude of voices praising God with “Hallelujah”.
The rest of the chapter is really confusing, and to get into it would involve a complete Bible study. I know, it’s crazy, I have become what I called a “Bible thumper”. Earlier versions of myself would question this and deny that I will become like this. It is not up to me. My life is truly not mine, it is God’s life. Many beautiful things have become of this life. In the end, there will only be God and that’s why my faith matters so much to me.
Nothing on this Earth can compare. Thank you for all those that have prayed for me.
