First thing first, I want to thank Jakey (Str Stdnt) for having me at Rowdy Fest 2023. I performed at Rowdy Fest in 2021, so I am honored to be back. James was the photographer who sent me these really cool pictures.
Let’s talk about Rowdy Fest. My friend Jake and I grew up in Metro Detroit together. He is from Garden City, I am from Dearborn. Rowdy Fest started in 2021, I believe, and has been hosted inside of Jake’s family house which is named after their dog, Rowdy. RIP to Rowdy <3. Rowdy Fest has hosted brilliant Michigan based musicians with a variety of genres ranging from punk and hardcore, to pop and rap.
There’s a couple of things I also wanted to touch on for this week. They are of the subject of strength, understanding, processing pain and anxiety… More specifically, bathroom anxiety.
Bathroom Anxiety
Let’s do the fun one first: bathroom anxiety. I have crippling anxiety when it comes to public bathrooms. I am no germaphobe, I just strongly prefer to not pee in stalls next to strangers… especially when you can hear the other person peeing and vice versa. I think the first time I really noticed that this was an odd thing was after Covid at a Barnes and Noble. I was in the public bathroom and I put my mask on so no one would know what I looked like. I laughed when I started to think “all the ladies in the room can hear me pee”. It defiantly had been a while since I peed in a public bathroom with other people around me. I have no interest in finding out who is peeing next to me in the stall. I can see their shoes and that is enough. My mind will frantically try to piece together whose shoes were in the stall next to me, almost as a form of self-sabotage. I usually try to pee, wash my hands WITH SOAP, then quickly run out of the bathroom like a freak once I’m done with the soap still on my hands.
Strength
These are all out of order, there is no need for a thesis… just my thoughts. Strength, I feel, has been the theme of my life as of recent. I pray most nights for God to give me strength and understanding. I feel like as humans, we can crumble so easily and forget that others resonate with similar pain. I defiantly have my moments where I weep so hard, sometimes on purpose, so that people can see and feel my pain. This is not a strong thing to do. Sometimes I desperately want someone to empathize with me, but there are other ways to find that than letting myself breakdown… like talking to God or a therapist.
Understanding
Understanding is one of the most powerful things I can think of… I think a lot of people do bad things out of pain. I know it hurts me to be surrounded by unfamiliar people and places that do not know me. Understanding is something I strive to get. I know as a human being; it is easy to hurt others without having a solid understanding of them. We’ve all struggled, so pain is plentiful. I know that when I weep, the world will laugh because we all feel that same pain.
Now to end the blog on a lighter note, I love you all and I will blog next week <3.
