In Chicago there is this really long trail that hugs Lake Michigan. I believe it starts in Edgewater where there are these apartment buildings on the edge of the lake, literally the waves are able to crash at the foundations of these buildings. The trail ends in South Shore which is close to the Indiana border. The entire trail is about 19 miles. It’s a goal of mine to be able to walk the entire thing. I work in a northern neighborhood of Chicago, then commute to my downtown apartment. I usually take the CTA on the way to work, then I walk back home on the trail. This is about a 4.2 mile walk which takes me a little over an hour to do because I walk fast.
I mention this trail because when I walk home from work, I usually call someone while I walk. I’ve had so many meaningful conversations walking home from work on the phone. Recently, I had a conversation with a friend of mine where we discussed how to be more confident with ourselves. I’d like to think of myself as confident, sometimes the line blurs between confidence and not giving a fuck. Are those the same things? Ultimately, this conversation was valuable to me because we outlined a few different ways we could both be more confident
Here’s me being swag.
Acknowledge, Accept and Understand where You’re From
In my many months of blogging, this theme has been expanded on. I’ve blogged about my hometown many times:
Hometown Written Blog – 3/31/23
By blogging about my hometown, I have forced myself to become introspective about my experience growing up there. Moving away from my hometown defiantly helped me gain perspective of what it is and who I am because of it.
Acknowledgment: I am from Dearborn Michigan, a suburb of Detroit. I acknowledge that I grew up with three loving parents who have supported me along the way. Dearborn Michigan is a town established by the automotive industry and defined by various cultures; overflowing with good food that I do miss every day, and communities of open-hearted people. Open-minded is a different story, but Dearborn has some of the most well connected and loving communities which I have had the privilege of growing up with. I have been raised in multiple households with multiple families of various backgrounds. My friendships looked more liked relationships with relatives, and I was taken into many homes and treated as such.
Acknowledgement is important, because I go around telling people I’m from Detroit in a general sense, but in reality, I am 100% a Dearborn girl. More specifically, a West Dearborn girl. Because of this, my experience in life is different than those who truly grew up in the city of Detroit. Yes, we are neighbors but no, I did not grow up in the city of Detroit. By acknowledging this, I am able to give myself even more perspective of who I am, and I can ground myself this way. There is no hiding where I am from and there is no suppression of who I truly am, not that I’d need to hide this.
Acceptance: Of course, I have accepted geologically where I *spawned*, but I feel like acceptance refers to the life I was given to live. It’s a conformable life, I was given everything I needed growing up as a kid. Of course, there are always struggles and traumas and those are the things I need to accept privately.
Understanding: My hometown plays a role in my life every day. Everything from my values, the way I dress, how I spend money… ect. In Michigan, the average home price is $218,684. In Dearborn, the average home price is $177.5k. In Detroit, the average home price is 75K. In Chicago, the average home price is $350K. I like to compare these prices to understand the economy of each city. Right now, If I had 16k, I could put 22% down on a home in Detroit and have a mortgage of under $1000 a month. I could probably pay it off with a good job in less than 10 years. In Chicago, things are not that simple. How this all ties into gaining confidence is that once you understand what it is like to live where you are from in comparison to other places, you can imagine yourself obtaining your goals and living your life anywhere with your point of reference. To me, this is motivating, and I gain confidence when I am motivated.
Gaining Confidence Spiritually
Something I can remember from that conversation with my friend is that we both agreed that we gain confidence when acknowledging a spiritual presence on this Earth. To me, a person exploring religion and spirituality, that would be God. To her, an agnostic person, that would be this beautiful planet we live on and the energy which connects it all together. We both agreed that we have purpose and are loved by whatever force has brought us here and that we should value ourselves. Once we affirm this, we can be confident that we have a purpose and a place on this planet.
How to Gain Confidence Mentally
Besides keeping your mental health in check and taking care of yourself, there are a couple of things to consider when gaining confidence with your mentality. You have to reflect on everything you have ever done up to this point and not compare your accomplishments to others. This is easier said than done but consider this; everyone that has accomplished something has also endured something equally as impactful. For example, I have about 2,000 – 3,000 monthly listeners on Spotify as of now. This is a great achievement, but it did not happen overnight. Throughout my music career, I have endured scorn, judgment, jealousy and I have worked myself and over obsessed about my art to the point of literal panic attacks. There are always two sides of the story when it comes to success.
If you find that you really can’t think of any successes in your life, then maybe you are neglecting to think about the things you have earned in your day-to-day life; your friends for example… you have invested a lot of time and energy to the people that you love, and I’m sure there is someone out there that would do anything for you. If you don’t have a support system, then acknowledge that you have survived and you have been getting it on your own all by yourself. That’s a major accomplishment, to be able to tolerate life without people there to support you… you would need a lot of strength to do that.
Pay attention to how my language in this blog is flowing. If you don’t have X, then you have X. If you have nothing, then you have your relentless self that has been surviving and you will not let anyone take advantage of that.
If you find that you are jealous of someone, this is your mind telling you that want something and that’s a good place to start. Do not move through live with jealousy being your furnace, you will burn yourself alive and nothing will be good enough for you. Transition your emotions to logic. Define what you want and observe how others have gotten it. Be deductive… If I do X, then X will happen… Do not get caught up in what you define as “failure”. Once you admit that you are a failure, then you have failed. Until then, you can keep working to get yourself there because that is exactly what everyone else did to get to where you want to be.
On a final note, confidence is hard. I struggle with it everyday. I struggle with validating myself and accepting myself as well. At the end of the day, only God can judge you so I go into my I Dont Care mode and sleep it off.
