The past few weeks, I have rushed through these newsletters. Life’s intensity seemed to be growing week by week, but today I am allowing myself the opportunity to do what I want to do which is write to y’all. Let me just start with this: I made the most amazing breakfast sandwich today… It wasn’t Diner Grill amazing, but it was the first time I cooked bacon in 8 years all by myself. For those that don’t know, I used to be vegetarian and then vegan. So, I cooked some bacon, then used the grease to fry an egg over medium with this cheese my friend Ayu bought with me, then I put it over a grilled English muffin. It’s so simple, but being able to cook meat for myself for the first time was a huge accomplishment to me. Honestly, I was scared… I didn’t want to get salmonella, and I didn’t want the bacon grease to splash into my eye. My step mother does this polish thing back at home, where she would save the grease/ butter and put the pan in the stove then use it to cook something else. I thought of that the first time I cooked bacon today.
I signed up for a gym today, that’s a first. I have never joined a gym in my life. I’m excited, though. They offer a variety of different classes like Strike Fit, Force Fit and Krav Maga. I used to do gymnastics from elementary school to high school. Although I never got too good at it, I learned about my body and how to balance it pretty well. When I was a kid, I always wanted to be a ballerina, but I didn’t want to commit to the lessons. In all honesty, I liked the theatrics but I didn’t like the time commitment.
I’ve learned a lot about perseverance and staying positive this week despite life’s challenges. Something that inspired me this week was this verse from the Bible. In John 15, Jesus says:
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. IF anyone does not abide in me, he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered. Throw into the fire and burned.”
This passage has really lifted me up this week. Now you may read this and assume that it says that if you don’t believe in Jesus, then you’re going to hell… But there’s so much more to this passage than that. Here’s a valid interpretation of this:
“References to vines and vineyards are common in Scripture, picturing God as someone who plants and tends to the “vine” of His people. In this verse, there is a clear sense of expected growth. First mentioned is barrenness, then productivity, then abundance. In terms of our spiritual lives, this is how God expects us to progress. As part of that process, God removes and prunes the branches.
While the analogy of the vine and branches is deep and important, it is like any other analogy in that it should not be taken out of context. When Jesus refers to a “branch in me,” in this instance, the context does not imply those who are “saved.” Rather, focus is entirely on the analogy of a vine and branches. Some branches appear to be connected to the main body, but are not—those branches are dead and will never produce fruit. The vinedresser removes those branches, to allow room and resources for the living branches to accomplish their purpose.”
(bibleref.com)
Take this or leave it, it is up for interpretation. I honestly could be getting this information wrong, so please do correct me if I’m wrong. I have referred to this passage throughout my week, drawing connections to it and everything. Every time I start to gravitate towards darkness, I force myself to seek out the light. This passage says that sometimes God will make your branches prune in order to make it bear fruit once more. I think this is beautiful, God gives us opportunities to strengthen us and we can either trust in the light and grow, or wither away and be encompassed by the darkness. Of course, I fumble. I fumble every day. I hold the capacity to be sinful as does everyone else in this world. Sometimes, I let my anxiety make the decisions for me. Right in the middle of the word “anxiety” exists the letter “I”. Similarly, enough, in the middle of the word “pride” exists the letter “I” as well. When we have anxiety, we often doubt ourselves, and we let our pride go to our head: “I can’t do this” or “I’m not good enough” or even “I’ll look stupid doing this”. Some may argue that these claims are the opposite of pride, but when we forget that we are God’s beautiful creations and that we are constantly being watched over by God and also the people God gave to us in our lives, then we are submitting to pride. When everything is about “I” and when nothing is about God or the people that invest in us, that is anxiety which is also pride. When you say to yourself “I’m not good enough”, but your family invests thousands of dollars to fuel your passions, or when you say that “I’ll look stupid doing this”, you are solely focused on yourself. Perhaps these aren’t examples that are applicable to whomever is reading this, but that is solely my opinion and these examples have pertained once to me. God loves you, and your family and friends love you. You will always have God.
This week, I signed Proxoxie into an official LLC!!!! I am extremely excited about this development. I am working on this debut album, but I’m doing it the right and legal way. I got my dad’s advice on this since he has an LLC. I love my family so much and I’m so thankful that I can do business with them and that they support my passion. I may be all over the place sometimes, but I know that they have faith in me.
I had a dream about Nashville Tennessee last night. I dreamt that I was in the Nashville Forest during the summer time and that the leaves were a luminous shade of emerald green. I came across my family’s house in Detroit in the middle of the woods. Outside of my house, was a tiny car parked by what seemed to be a little girl. She offered me a ride and I complied. I didn’t know where she was taking me. She took me to the “5 pillars of Nashville” which is something I totally invented in my dream. One of the pillars was a statue of a giant gnome which was the size of a skyscraper. The second pillar was a statue of a honey bee that was around the same height. Finally, the dream concluded with a cinematic/ panoramic drone shot of the pillars of Nashville and the forests fading out… Never in my life had I dreamt of a city so profound.
Who knows where I will go next. I do not plan to stay in Chicago for grad school. I’d like to leave the city and explore the world, at least move to a town that has the music industry present in it. I mean, Chicago is a great town, there’s just no jobs for music industry related stuff out here. I’d rather work for a performance rights organization than some random company out here. I think I want to explore Nashville next; everyone seems to be flocking there anyway. My dad boldly stated to me yesterday “I never go with the flock” and to that I said “Good for you, Dad”. The other day, a tree fell down in the street so he went to go and chop it. He told me that the squirrel got mad at him and started throwing things at him. I guess him and the squirrels will never get along.
Lauren took some really cools pics from the Shattered Souls concert:
Laurens insta for photography: _laurennrose_
