My Dog’s Birthday – 8/30/23

This is the only window of time I can manage to write it all out. I like writing because it doesn’t require any equipment other than a computer, any computer. I can do this anywhere. I am home, it is 7:00 AM, I have to be out the door in an hour. Lately that’s all life has been, and yes I do feel fulfilled in a work setting. I love what I do, I really do. It’s just that when the weekend rolls around, I can lay in bed until 10AM until I have to be out the door for my other job.

Working 7 days a week is normal to me now, the people who I surround myself with do it all the time. I mean, the work more than me. I can say I clock in 50 hour work weeks every week, plus the added 1 hour a day commuting time. I can’t complain because I do this to myself. I don’t want to lose my music. That is a rational fear. Everyday I need to give myself patience, as I am meeting the goals that I have executed for myself. In all actuality, I can release a new single every month after the album drops, perhaps do a music video, too. I need the money to fund what my goals are with this project.

My music project has become my second reason to live besides living for God. I don’t mean to be dramatic, it’s just that I think about this everyday. I don’t talk about it because I am afraid about what the people in my life may say about it. I know it’s dark, I know it’s edgy, I know it may not look good to employers… but this is my only chance to do this.

Sure, I can go on the rest of my life through this and not get anywhere with it, but I have too much energy to let it die. I can save my money pretty well even though I do spend my money out here. I want to save up for a house so I have living security. I can’t move back in with my parents as much as I love them. I need a space where I can be creative and express myself.

When I was growing up, I used to paint on the walls of my bedroom. It all started with a distressed 9th grade me. I used to write song lyrics on my wall like a crazy person whenever I got anxiety. It escalated to handprints; when I invited my friends over I would have them put their hand print on my wall so they could be a part of it. Finally, I started painting things on the walls. I invited my niece to my room when she was very young and we painted a rainbow which stretched across the entirety of the wall. I invited her to draw whatever she wanted. We would color together, too. I told her to make the dog pink and she colored in the dog pink and then blue. When she was in 4th grade, she still colored her animals in with odd colors.

It’s cool when you can make an impact on someone’s life like that. That’s how I feel about my music project. I go crazy when I am not here, typing up a blog with words escaping out of my head like they had been trapped in there. I fear that one day I wont be able to do this, but before that happens I will fight with everything I can to make sure I can still work on music. I will also be taking 6 classes in the fall semester on top of two jobs. I feel like I’ve never given myself the opportunity to prioritize music. This is why I never want kids.

During the week I saw the Detroit Cobras, a punk band from Detroit. My uncle photographed the cover for one of their CD’s. I have tons of hard drives full of his pictures. I always promised that I would create a website for them. One day I will.

Tomorrow is my dog’s birthday. I want to be with her for it. I know dogs don’t have the ability to conceptualize that it is their birthday, but I want her to feel special. I visit her sometimes and she screams when I walk into the door. When I leave, she barks and I can hear her shriek of a bark from the lobby of the apartment building. I love my dog.

I don’t think her birthday is even her birthday, sometimes. She’s a beautiful inbred from somewhere in Romulus Michigan. Romulus is what I call farm-hood with an airport that disrupts all of the communities from the farmers, to the dogs breeders, to the random sub divisions of houses surrounded by field. I promised myself that I would never live in one of those.

One time I door dashed a frozen latte from Big B to one of those houses in the sub divisions… It melted by the time I got there. The frozen latte was the only thing in the order. I think I still got a tip, but I marveled at the thought of paying a delivery fee for a frozen latte.

Sometimes I will cry at the thought of losing anyone in my family, then I remember to live in the moment with them. I like to call my family. Sometimes they pick up, it depends who I call. I wish I could call my dog.

Anyway, here are some announcements.

My debut album comes out in less than a month! Get excited!!! I sure am.
Presave the album here!

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