Spiritual Cancer – 04/10/24

Today was really cool, I am so fortunate that I have an incredible family that supports my every move.

This month has been incredibly challenging, not gonna lie. I’ve been praying for strength so God threw me into a hole with my own demons. I really have been trying to fight them. I really do pray every day that they go away and that I get better. For a while, it was just me trying to solve everybody else’s problems but my own… Now I am forced to face my problems directly.

Here is what I am reading to write this.

Something that stuck with me from this book was that they mentioned that low passions debase our humility. So it is a good thought to test yourself to see if it is worth it to give into the low-hanging fruit of sin. Passion has always been an interesting word to me… It is a neutral word that is often interpreted as a good word. The most profound feeling for me was the freedom I felt when I admitted to myself that I was – and still am – a sinner.

PRIDE – the Spiritual Cancer

This one is tricky… It feels so good but it hurts so bad. Pride is often listed first in order of the 7 Deadly Sins because it is the original sin; it is the root of sin. This is because the core of sin is selfishness, and pride is the assertion of one’s self. The symptoms of pride:

  • Preoccupation with Self
  • The Itch for Recognition
  • The Tower

The Effects of Pride

  • Destruction of Self
  • Destruction of Relationship

Preoccupation with Self

There is a difference between having pride and being proud of yourself because when you are proud of yourself, you demonstrate a healthy amount of self-worth. Self-worth is not dependent on our performance. There is value in what we do, but what we do does not give us value. “Good” pride starts when the self-shaming, blaming, and inflating stop. I am someone who is incredibly hard on myself because I am full of pride. This sin is constantly rotting inside of me and I find it difficult to repent from it because I find myself enjoying it.

Some people are forced to develop pride because they are marginalized groups.

Self-pity is a subtle demonstration of pride because when you pity yourself, you neglect everything to only see part of the picture. I’ve seen people wallow in self-pity and enjoy it – I for one do that a little too often.

The Itch for Recognition

Pride is expressed when you have the need to put “I” in the center of everything. This occurs when a person cannot speak long without turning the conversation back to themselves. No self-effort can remove self-centeredness. Only God can cure pride.

The Tower

A prideful person will set themself apart by setting themselves up. There is nothing wrong with building towers if the motive is right. If you choose to build your tower, build it for God. An example of this is my music… Here I am bringing the conversation to myself- but I want to confess. The intentions behind my music has been through all sorts of different phases; to spite those that hurt me, to rise above my hometown, to differentiate myself from the rest, to intellectually challenge myself, and to be able to be monetized so I could live off it. Sometimes, I get sick of myself. Pride is when you put your interests above the interests of others. What should my motives for Proxoxie be? Here’s what I really pray about; Music will be written to glorify God, to reveal sin within the community, to connect people through understanding, and to give back to the education systems that gave back to me with the purpose of helping kids seek their path from God.

Words are one thing – but action is what really defines growth. I need help being accountable. I need help in general. Only God can do that.

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