I’d like to admit something. For the past few weeks, I’ve been really burnt out and have felt overwhelmed. Today, I felt like things have totally changed as everything that has been stagnant is finally transitioning and moving along. I am really blessed to live the life that I live, and I truly do thank God for everything I’ve experienced. I asked God to give me patience, and he gives me opportunities to learn patience and understanding.
I’m thankful that I have a platform to express my art, and that there’s people out there who really do care about it. A lot of people search their entire lives for a community like the one we’re fostering. I’m thankful that I’ve met so many kind and generous people that understand me.
Today it was 50 degrees outside. I’ve been going on a series of walks. I went on a walk yesterday with my friend Andy, and we got empanadas from a food truck for hella cheap. Those were the best empanadas I’ve had in a while, and the entire meal was under $10. It was the first time we explored and found a park that we really enjoyed. It was a real park, it had a lily pond, a couple of bridges, some monuments and random liminal things. It really reminded me of the parks in Michigan that I’ve been missing.
I’ve been incredibly homesick; I haven’t been home since December. I miss my family a lot. I know it’s only been about 3 months. I feel like life moves really fast and everyday I’m trying to catch up, but I know that God’s got my back so I don’t feel like I’m falling.
It feels odd not releasing music, but I know that this debut album is going to be worth it. I can’t wait to start advertising it. Everything is going to go by extremely fast. It’s hard for me to believe that March is ending and It’s almost April. I think back to the pandemic sometimes, when it was April 2020 and I had nothing to do except explore the woods while it rained. It still hits when I remember those days and compare them to everything I’ve done to this day.
I try not to go on social media a lot. I have been consistently posting every Friday, but I try not to scroll through my feed. Every time I scroll through my feed, I end up feeling like I wasted time, but today I saw an influx of positive posts from people that I know or have met in person. It’s good to see that people are doing good out there.
Today has been good for me as well, as I finally finished my Real Estate education and I can get my license. I felt a sense of pride and achievement after this, and I felt like I could go to the state and take the test… which is what I need to do shortly. I don’t know why I decided to get my Real Estate license, but I feel like I’ll need it in the long run. Now I have a general understanding of how to buy and sell a house. I feel like the next big thing for me to do is get a mortgage, but I really want to pursue grad school. All of this is going on while I work on my music project. Music is something I always want to keep throughout my life. I mean, I did file Proxoxie into an LLC so I’ll have to keep it and file taxes for it every year!
A lot of big things are happening in my life, I feel like this is the beginning. I hope this gives you inspiration because I want to spread love and inspire others to do the same. God will give you what you ask from him, as long as you are walking within the light.
I am so happy today because I am slowly building the structure for my music project. If you’re interested in business, its defiantly a fun conversation to have.

I wrote a synopsis for a friend because they asked me where I got all my samples, I wanted to share with you!

Proxoxie List of Samples

Pity Party

So, I was trying to make a beat tag and I had this idea of sampling one of those pink plastic phones you got as a kid and ended up underneath your mom’s car back seat cushion. I looked up Chinese Phone Toy and found this 1 hour video of a Chinese phone toy with this little song that goes “Ayyy ayyy ayyy I’m your little butterfly”. Until I wrote this synopsis, I had no idea what that lady said in the song. I put a shit ton of delay on it, bounced it and chopped it up, then gated it to a kick. For Pity Party, I gave up on trying to make a clean and coherent mix, so I just clipped the fuck out of the chorus and compressed it with my limiter. I sometimes wish this kick would cut through the mix more in the chorus, but I used a breakbeat during the chorus anyway, so there was no point in trying to achieve the punchy EDM 4 on the 4 kick sound that I was thinking of.

My Secret Diary

I wrote this song in August of 2021. I was working 30-40 hours a week and I didn’t really want to write a whole second verse for this song, so I just sampled Laura Palmer in Twin Peaks in the episode where she’s talking about the demon Bob to her secret lover, Harold. I think during this time I was watching Twin Peaks when I wasn’t working, so I had no time for anything else but obsessing over the plot line then listening to Julee Cruise on the drive home from work. I was really surprised about the notoriety this song received, since I wasn’t really expecting it to be that popular. My favorite part about this song is the lyricism, the Laura Palmer sample really adds to the thematic of the song itself.

Fucked Up!

I don’t want to give away too much sauce, but I found this sample online from researching underground vloggers from old YouTube in 2008-2014. My favorite vlogs I’ve stumbled upon have been really compressed and barely audible, so when I run the URL through YTmp3, the distortion is already there so I can just compress the file and sound would result in it sounding really nostalgic with a high intensity.

Old Broadcast Station

I am obsessed with this one author named Wendingus who is actually writing a book comprised of all of their Reddit stories. I found their art through Mr. Creepypasta, and feel in love with the entire universe behind it. There is this one composer who is featured in the Mr Creepypasta narration series named Kevin MacLeod. I cleared this sample with him, and got his permission to use it since it is a part of an entire composition. In this song, I write about it feels like when I disassociate to fiction realms created by these masters. I truly believe that all of these artists are able to captivate an entire world through their work, and I can’t help myself from wanting to fade into it. If anything, worlds like these give me a healthy escape to my own reality by illustrating beautifully crafted fictional themes accompanied by mystery and a juxtapositions like ominous serenity. I wanted to create a song that emulated this.

Greatest Freakout Ever

I think I had a phase of my life where all I wanted to do was be a clown. It was a short phase; it took place during the pandemic. I loved watching Killer Clowns from Outer Space and I used to dress up as a clown all of the time. This lasted a week or two. I sampled some things from Killer Clowns from Outer Space, then used Uber Duck to generate the frog from Leap Frog to enthusiastically say “I Can’t Fucking Take It Anymore”.

My Happiest Song

I just sampled the OG Android ringtone for this… The one you hear froma trap phone on the subway. I always thought that the ringtone was compositionally fire asf, so I wanted to put it into a song.