God, I have a reoccurring case of home sickness. It’s so funny, because I wanted to leave so badly but now it seems that I can’t help myself but missing home so deeply.
I figure, one day when I am back home I am going to want to run again. The cycle only continues, I don’t think I can be simply contempt in knowing myself.
I miss the factories, I miss the plant. I miss the drive down Outer Drive to Hines Drive all the way to the nice neighborhoods of Plymouth and Northville where I dreaded hanging out. Except for the secret tunnels.
I miss the East Dearborn Kroger which has the best snack options. I miss good, original hummus. No one understands. I am just a Dearborn girl.
I miss my city. I am upset with myself that I am not there sometimes. But when the question is posed; “Are you coming back?” The answer is no at the moment. I feel as if I am being called to complete a task in the city of Chicago. I am unsure what that task is… I surely pray for it. It is not in my best interests to know at this moment. I am simply just rolling with the punches.
I sometimes assume my path, which is not in my domain to know. I am thankful I have some family here. God always assures me that I am where I need to be when I see a familiar face on the street. Today I saw a familiar person from my life, friend of my aunt who lives in this city, while I was on my way to work. This person works in the same building as me. I felt like a big shot.
The story that I write online hopefully reveals some truth. I know that when I listen to musicians, I automatically assume that they have made it with their art. In reality, I do not think that it is possible to truly “make it” with your art alone. You need to compromise a lot of your time to being on the road when you are a musician. When I see that a musician is touring, I think to myself “Oh, they must be making it” but that in itself is not truth either. Sure, you can tour, but the goal is to break even, not make money. If you are making money on the road, then perhaps you aren’t paying those that helped you get there. If you are making money on the road after you pay your people, then you have made it in my book. The road is tough. I am excited for the road in the future.
The difference with me and other musicians is that my art is not my career, so you can see. My art is merely my outlet. Do I want it to be my career? I don’t know, let’s see how I like the road.
I honestly have no idea what I want out of a career. I am literally just going with it.
I am tired of pretending to be something. I just want to be home. Luckily home is with the people that I love, and I don’t need to go far to find it.
