I literally have to write about what I’m thankful for.

That’s like every American blogger, right?

Every time I sit down with my family at the Thanksgiving dinner table, I always start eating, but they go; wait we gotta say what we’re thankful for, and then some people go; no, we don’t, and then we do and I never know what to say. Until now!

Family

For giving me love, wisdom and money sometimes LOL.

Friends

For good conversations and lots of walking.

Google Maps

For helping me navigate and also look at 3D satellite rendered maps.

I recently took the 16 personalities test because I’m interested in seeing what personalities my friends/collogues are as well, so I can compare them to me and how we can work together/ communicate efficiently. Also, it’s just fun. Apparently, I am an ENTJ-T, which is the character of a terminal commander. Terminal, from what I can gather, means I’m more lenient towards the type-A personality side of the spectrum. I’m just going to copy paste what this all means:

Extrovert

extroverts are energized through socialization and collaboration, whereas introverts receive energy from alone time or in social settings with much smaller groups.

Intuitive

Intuitive personality types rely on imagining the past and future potential of what they see, opposed to the observant style, which are more interested in observable facts and more straightforward outcomes.

Thinking

Thinking types tend to make their decisions based on data, evidence and rational thought. They tend to be pragmatic and not swayed by antipathies or emotions but prefer empirical data. Feeling types tend to make their decisions based on values, emotions and impact on people.

Judging

People with the Judging personality trait tend to love making plans and backup plans. People with the Prospecting personality trait tend to be flexible and good at adapting to all of life’s circumstances.

I hold a majority percentage of these attributes in my personality, I’d have to agree. I want to be even more thinking rather than feeling, and I’d rather be more observant that intuitive… but personalities don’t change overnight.

So, I’m writing the 4^th iteration of my yearly birthday song… LOL This probably sounds insane if you don’t know what I’m talking about. So, when I turned 18, I wrote a song for my birthday called “my birthday !”. The lyrics are defiantly significant to my 18-year-old self, and defiantly not now. There’s a couple of themes I can say contribute to the birthday series; consistency, iteration, reminiscence, and growth. If anything, my birthday song is the gift I give myself on my birthday. I’ll explain why it’s that significant to me as both an artist and a person.

Consistency

For the past three years, I have been releasing the same song on the same day. As if a goal was a sculpture, consistency is the habit that can mold your goals into an outline. Consistency, at the end of the day, determines the life cycle of a project. To implement a consistent habit into your life is like doing yourself a favor. You are making yourself more disciplined, thus strengthening that trust you have with yourself to get the things that you want in life.

Re-Iteration

For three years, I have tweaked the lyrics of each variation to pertain to the content of how I feel around my birthday. I’d like to share with you the lyrics of the first birthday song:

“

you’ll finally treat me nice 

you’ll finally treat me nice 

you’ll finally think twice

when it comes to my birthday

you will see me shine

I will be so bright

I will find the light

but it’s only for my birthday

ooOOoo

Do you respect me like I do to you?

Do you see me through and through to you?

tell me “I never had these doubts about you”?

oowhOOoa

You. see. that. freak.?

I know she’ll never be a bright one

(oh that one)

She goes and makes trouble to have fun

he goes and disappoints everyone

everyone

ooooOOoOoOoOo

ooOOooooo

OOOoo

ooOOoOOoooo

You. see. that. freak.?

I know she’ll never be a bright one

(oh that one)

She goes and makes trouble to have fun

she goes and disappoints everyone

everyone

you’ll finally treat me nice 

you’ll finally treat me nice 

you’ll finally think twice

when it comes to my birthday

you will see me shine

I will be so bright

I will find the light

but it’s only for my birthday

”

I read these and understand I was really projecting at 18 years old haha. Since then, I’ve reimagined most of these lyrics, and made them more relevant to how I feel in the present. My 18^th birthday was so much fun, I got my hair done then went out to eat with family, which is honestly the only thing I’d like to do this year.

I believe for my 19^th birthday; I’ve kept the original lyrics. I was exposed to covid around my 19^th birthday and had to quarantine, so my birthday party was on Minecraft with all of my co-workers. We also played amongus.

My 20^th birthday I decided to play into the whole PROXOXIE persona, because I had an instinct that it was going to be the year for my music compositionally, had the opportunity to define my sound as well as my voice even further. The only lyrics I’ve kept from the original version of the song was the hook;

“

you’ll finally treat me nice
you’ll finally treat me nice
you’ll finally think twice
when it comes to b-day
you will see me shine
I will be so bright
I will find the light 
but its only for my b-day

will u respect me like i do for u
will u see me through and through to u 
tell me i never had these doubts about u 
whoaaaaa

close my eyes and im so surpised 
when im surrounded by the things 
i love to buy
and i almost feel emotional 
love me im material
show me im ur favorite girl 
London Paris Tokyo 
i dont care and i told u show
im on British reality tv shows

you’ll finally treat me nice
you’ll finally treat me nice
you’ll finally think twice
when it comes to bday
you will see me shine
i will be so bright
i will find the light 
but its only for my bday

”

These were so much fun to write; I keep this note pad of random things that I think of throughout the day, so for this song in particular, I pulled a few lyrics and strung them together into a verse, then tied the original hook with it. I wanted to make this song have more of a slow, trance-like effect.

For this year, It’s a surpize ehehe….

Reminiscence

To be able to listen to each birthday song and compare the lyrics is important to me as a songwriter. I wrote this as if every artist does this… I don’t know anyone that does this. Let me know if you know of something similar. This song is like a timestamp of my life. I can remember exactly what I was doing around the time of my birthday each year. It makes me feel more grounded to see where I was years ago. It’s like looking into a mirror, I can ask myself; what’s changed?

Growth

I still am learning things about myself to this day. When I look back on my lyrics, I see new things from different perspectives.

I think I want to keep this song limited to Soundcloud and then eventually archive it, to be honest. There’s going to be a time when this song will be finished, I feel like I am drafting it each year. I’m seeing the versions of myself that I don’t like and I’m trying to figure out what I want to change. In the perspective of a songwriter, you can just call it a 4^th demo.

I have a list of reminders that I keep on my phone. I take note of what my friends and family want throughout the year. For example, every year for my Dad’s birthday, I give him a “dad shirt” specifically from the Target men’s section. Here are the last Dad shirts I’ve bought:

The Bob Ross Dad Shirt

The Harvard Dad Shirt

Not from Target, but still cool.