I have been blogging less than I have before because I’ve been really trying to filter what I share online.
Recently, it’s been a creative discussion in my head about if a rebrand is needed while trying to make sense of what is attainable.
I think what’s holds myself back from achieving my goals is my inability to sit down and think about what is next. I just have been coasting for the past year, while still feeling movement.
My goal for this year is surpass 10k monthly on Spotify, the ambitious side of me wants to see myself get a bigger check, because I work with whatever the royalties give me to. It would be cool to see royalties pay my rent.
When I get booked for shows, I use the money I earn to sponsor my travel. I am excited to say that I successfully got myself booked for a festival this summer, so that makes me happy.
I have these memories where I was in a corporate setting with no direction, I am not that old out of college, I am 23, it’s just I got myself into corporate just once and when I told people what my career goals were, they couldn’t really take them seriously. So I left for retail.
I did go to college those 4 years and I can’t tell you what I gained out of those years other than debt and small opportunities. They are things I could have done without going to school. My college experience wasn’t any experience, just seemed like an Art School Cash Grab. I don’t know what I expected out of that, honestly. Maybe I needed the time to learn some lessons, prove to my family that I am serious, and grow up a little before going into the Entertainment Industry.
Every year is a year to build on the previous. I could map out my accomplishments, I just feel like I havn’t reached the peak yet. I feel like it is a never ending come-up, and to be completely honest there are days that I am scared. I can work and work this, but I know that it is a game of luck, timing and maybe some talent. Just have to keep working, the money will come is what I have to tell myself.
I am scared of not succeeding because I don’t want to be pitied if I find myself in a bad place when I get too old for this. But that is in the distant future. This fear makes me hungrier to keep booking. I try to make sure everyone gets paid/ paid back in these booking situations.
So who am I exactly? I started doing scenecore at first, but I realized that I hated it. I thought the self harm part was weird, like why would anyone promote doing that? I’ve had so many collabs where I question if it was a god idea to bring them on my track.
It’s always been hard for me to decide who I am in context of trends, boxes and definite aesthetics. Today I want to embrace that I have always been weird alone girl, THAT is my brand. Like a girl who just takes selfies and shit. But is also weird and into odd things.
I can embrace that. So, in the future you will see a lot of changes pertaining to this… I hope at the end of the day you still like the music.
