I remember my high school janitors more than I remember high school itself. Over the years, my memory has been fading and I have allowed it to do so. Slowly the recollection of names, faces, and the life I had back in Michigan have been disintegrating. Oddly enough I remember the faces, no names, of the custodians.
Maybe I remember them because I am like them. They were in their late 20’s/ early 30’s. I am currently 23. One of them always wore a backwards hat with a Lil Peep hoodie. I never got the courage to comment on how much I liked the hoodie.
Another one was a lanky, tall, red head who wore camo pants. He had a kid as his lockscreen indicating that it was his own. We talked the most, I think he saw me and recognized that we were similar.
Then there was the girl. She was short and always had her hair up in a messy bun. If I remember correctly, she wore galaxy leggings sometimes – and a black choker around her neck always. Sometimes when I stayed late at school, roaming the hallways past the bell, I would hear her sing. She sang a variety of songs, but the one I remember was “Stand By Me” by Ben E. King.
I never understood why these people did the job that they did – clean a highschool – but now I do. I understand why they would want a whole building to themselves to explore while no one was around. They could talk amongst each other, smoke weed, get paid, maybe they got food with each other after work. All in all, they were unconventional people doing unconventional things.
This is how I feel. I ask God to use me, but do I ever have the time to listen for what he wants me to do in life? I don’t think I have been paying much attention lately. I dream about what I want my career to be, and I can’t help but to only think of the things that I DO NOT want it to be.
I don’t like offices, I don’t like professionalism, I don’t like corporate life, I don’t like talking about my weekend with anyone… These are all of the things I thought I would do because what else IS there to do?
I want to tour, I want to sing and dance, I want to connect with people, I want to live my life with freedom… I want to be everywhere, all around the world. That’s what draws me to the entertainment industry. We’re all a bunch of night workers. I just crave the freedom aspect of it all. I don’t want my life to be about looking forwards to the day AFTER my shift. I want my life to be looking forwards for the adventure in front of me, and wanting to work. I want to work my ass off. I don’t want to just sit on my ass and pretend to like people. I don’t want to be constantly looking behind my shoulder for a boss who doesn’t give a shit about my job.
Most people hate their jobs. I don’t want to be one of those people. I may be replaceable on payroll, but I am not replaceable with music.
Sometimes I think mu career pulls me away from God. I want to make an effort to be at my church every Sunday, because God is the only one who knows me truly, what I can be…
That’s where my head has been. But today I will focus on being a piano instructor and a musician. Thank you for all of the steams on the album – I greatly appreciate it, truly.
