This is a random stream of consciousness.
I started a new job working as a host in a restaurant. I am honestly pretty excited. People say that it is an easy job, something that pays well. I am glad I have something to get me up in the morning… Something to look forward to, something to give me inspiration. I can’t return to a desk and I can’t express that enough. I sometimes wonder why I even went to college, but I’m glad I did. Who knows when I’ll ever use my degree. I am wondering if this will be my life forever, constantly floating around various part-time jobs. I wrote this blog because my mind is all over the place. I hope you can take something from these thoughts.
I find what inspires me to be works of fiction. I haven’t picked up a book in a while. I miss skimming the pages and underlining passages that I find interesting. I want to be disconnected from my phone and my obligations… This is most likely what has been attributing to my mundane moods. My screen time is a daily average of 4 hours a day, which to me is insane. I want to limit it to only 1 hour a day. I am not too chronically online, I value time without computers.
Sometimes I just type these things up for myself. I feel like I read too much into things, I have always done that. I want to be motivated and inspired; in order to do that, I must be grateful first. A goal of mine that inspires me is to own property to be able to work on it. I would love to help build a house… perhaps I should volunteer to build houses.
I guess I never understood why people are purposeless until now. I have music – which is a purpose. I have God, family, and friends which is another. I am trying to unlearn many things that I have been raised to believe. I am constantly trying to become a new person amidst my stubbornness. An example of how complacent and miserable I can be at times is when my phone died at the airport. I was sitting at this outlet, waiting for it to charge and my mom had an intuition that the outlet was dead and wasn’t charging anything. I didn’t listen to her, although I knew she was right. I just desperately wanted my phone to turn on by charging at that outlet specifically.
My hometown is fine. I visit at least once a month. I really try to make an effort to be on ok terms with everybody in the town. I try to understand people and not judge anyone. I feel like a lot of people in my hometown are very narrow minded and succumb to life’s rough exterior; like they are just so used to being rubbed down with sandpaper. People forget that there is another world outside of metro-Detroit. It is a town where you conform, or you don’t conform and people are generally unpleasant to you. Maybe people are not used to seeing something interesting, and they are unconditioned on how to response to such an occurrence. This doesn’t upset me like it used to, now I am just more so perplexed at the animosity. It seems like having a tattoo sleeve is a big deal to these people.
Then I ask my creative friends why they all work at coffee shops. I collected a few opinions and decided that the general consensus is that you can wear whatever you want, be social, and create things all day. I remember when the only thing to do in my town was to go out to a coffee shop and muster up the courage to talk to people who looked interesting. Now a days, I don’t really care. You can meet the most interesting person and be totally blindsided because they may not act the way you expected them to act. One of the best conversations I’ve ever had on an airplane was with a Jewish man in full religious attire reading the Torah. I am not kidding, we talked to entire way home in the sky, it was one of the most intellectually stimulating conversations I’ve ever had.
I don’t know why I am on this topic, it is truly unhinged… but one time I was on the phone with my best friend’s dad in downtown Chicago asking for life advice, and an Amish man came up to me and asked me for directions. I asked him where he wanted to go, and he told me that he didn’t know. I think it might of been a confusing pick up line, but I directed him to Union Station in hopes that he will figure out where he wants to go. Sometimes life is incredibly random like that. It makes me remember that there is no plot.
